At first I was a bit skeptical about it, then I thought, I have nothing to lose. I googled therapists around my area, then boom I got contacts of a hypnotherapist.
I recall thinking, what if this person will turn me into a zombie, you know how they are portrayed in movies? Like when they snap their fingers, you do as they say kind of thing. I had my own theory too.
I believed this person could be one to help me in healing from my past, my present and to think well of my future. Fast forward, I made an appointment, then I was pleased to hear that the therapist was also available Saturday mornings too, this came as a plus for me.
The day of my first session arrived, woke up and dressed, went to the therapist’s offices. The office had that home vibe about it. I was told to wait for the therapist. I did.
The therapist came to call me to her consultation room. We both went, I was asked to sit on a comfortable couch, then she asked why I was there. For the first time, I was opening myself to a stranger, it felt so easy to talk to her, I spoke about my childhood, my fears and my relationships with my ex boyfriends.
The flow that was me, I had never recalled so about about my childhood. After I was done I felt so light it was as if I have just offloaded a heavy bag back from my shoulders. There was a breeze within me. After I was done talking, she, the therapist, told me about her services and that I will be starting my first session the following week if I still wanted to continue after our brief session.
Amazingly when I got home I was overwhelmed by all that I said, I never thought I had parked and hidden so much pain inside. I burst into tears, I have now just realized I have become a loner not because I hated others company but because I had so many scars that I didn’t want the world to see.
Over the years I have mastered to conceal my pain and scars, now I have just exposed them, worse, to a woman I barely know. All I said to the therapist rang in my head, I was sad, I was thinking, am I now a patient of depression, I kept asking myself questions I couldn’t answer.
I thought, let me sleep this away until my next appointment. The days past till my next appointment, I was early, while waiting to be called, I kept googling symptoms of depression, then I discovered I might have MDD, I was waiting for the therapist while I was busy diagnosing myself.
My turn to be called came, I went inside the consultation room. This time I was asked to sit on a lazy boy chair, with a cosy blanky and a cushion. I loved the idea, the room was more dim this time with soothing music behind. I was told to take deep breaths and to allow myself to go into a trance mode.
Never had I felt this relaxed, the therapist started asking questions, for the first time in my life I answer questions without thinking, I just answered as the therapist asked. She was taking notes, the session was for an hour. Once we were done with the questions, she read the questions she asked me and the answers I gave.
The answers were odd, though I believed they were the most honest answers I had ever given. I feel in love with my healing process. I keep going to the therapist for a couple of times. After each session she’d send me audios for me to listen to. I did that and I found myself talking to myself more often, having daily affirmations and being my own inspiration.
I am still healing and more happy with myself. I am at peace because I now know and understand that my flaws make me flawless. That concealing my scars doesn’t mean I have healed. With my scars I have became a better version of myself, healing is a process and not an event.
I have learned that being angry is also a positive emotion,as long as I don’t act on my anger and allow it to control my behaviour. I now notice negative thoughts and feelings, I am able to twist them into positive thoughts just by taking deep breaths and letting myself remember how blessed I am.
I have found peace in seeking help and I am grateful I went for therapy. I now embrace my scars knowing that through my pain I have become strong and more faithful about my future.
Before therapy I used to think of myself as a failure because the kids I went to school with had high paying jobs, driving German luxurious cars, getting married and traveling the world.
I was even embarrassed to go out with them because I didn’t have any of the things they had, I was just battling with myself to be a success. I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I thought, which man would want to be with me, I’d had men asking me out and I have been in situationships, I would make excuses not to see my exes because I thought I wasn’t good for them. There were days I’d cry for no reason and at multiple times I thought I was better dead . I had suicidal thoughts and I was a sad soul.
I am grateful to my therapy sessions, they helped me to come a better me.
A toast to a better us,